The Last Valentine

Forgive me if I don't write much this month. February is a terrible month and I'd be perfectly okay if some governmental agency decided to erase it from our calendars. 

Back in 2005, February was absolutely frigid and I came down with a flu-like illness in the first week. I say flu-like because my doctor was quite positive that I did not have the flu which was going around but rather, a flu-like illness she had seen in a number of her other patients. And thank goodness it wasn't the real flu because what I had was bad enough that I can't imagine how the real flu would have felt. 

Being someone who has never gotten the (real) flu ever, this illness was torture. It started very subtly on a Sunday evening. The temperature of the room just felt off. I was too warm. Then, I woke up in the middle of the night shivering and sweating at the same time. I took my temperature and it was 101! I called and left a message for work saying that I would be going to the doctor's office in the a.m., then left a message with the doctor's answering service to have her staff call me and get me in ASAP... I said I thought I was coming down with the flu. For the rest of the night I would sweat buckets and shiver like the room was a giant icebox. No amount of blankets could help me. Then, just as suddenly, I would get so hot that I would practically strip naked to cool off. All the while, I kept monitoring my temperature and it kept going higher. I finally peaked at 103 but never went below 100... even taking Tylenol. Every muscle and joint hurt. I laid on the bed like a rag doll; listless and limp. I didn't dare move.

The doctor's office called me at 8am and told me to come in as soon as I got myself up and dressed - which was excruciatingly painful and slow. After determining that I didn't have the flu but simply a flu-like illness she wrote me a note for work and told me I was to stay home for the week. I called my boss when I had gotten home and gave him the news but he was a decent guy so there was no issue. I undressed and crawled back in to my bed where I didn't move for the entire week except to occasionally use the bathroom.

As the end of the week approached I was starting to feel better when my (a)mom called to tell me that my grandmother (her mom) had passed away. Once again, I called work and (thankfully) my boss understood. I would be out a few more days than originally expected. We buried my grandmother on Valentine's Day.

Which brings me to the next reason why February sucks. 

Valentine's Day is bittersweet for me. My father was always my Valentine. He always had a small heart shaped box of chocolates and a card for me on the table when I'd come down in the morning. He did this for my siblings as well. He was our Valentine even if no one else was. That year, in 2005, his cancer had progressed so bad that he could not leave his bedroom. He was not with us when we buried my mom's mother. But, he was still our Valentine... He asked his business assistant (and friend) to do some shopping for him and when we returned from the funeral, he had a box of chocolates and a card for each of us. That was the last Valentine I would ever receive from my father. He passed away 6 days later.

Again, I called work. By now I was apologizing profusely. I felt like no one would believe me. But, my boss was understanding and a few of my coworkers even made the drive up to our area to pay their respects. 

The day we buried him, there was snow on the ground and the wind was biting. We huddled together in our seats to stay warm, seated beside his casket at the cemetery. An Air Force soldier in his dress uniform stood up on the hillside playing 'TAPS' as two more Air Force soldiers removed the flag that draped his coffin, folded it in military fashion and handed it to my mother...

These are songs that always make me think of my father, February and the last Valentine he ever gave me and I hope you'll give them all a listen.

This post is written in memory of my father...
I still miss you.